


My Tumblr Drabbles

by Merwin_Me



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Dark Merlin, Harry Hart Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6655039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merwin_Me/pseuds/Merwin_Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All drabbles that I place on my Tumblr (Merwin-Me) get updated here! Tumblr probably always gets them first.<br/>Angst levels low.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shit Merlin deals with

Based on this prompt by [unblockingwritersblock](http://unblockingwritersblock.tumblr.com/post/141974174335/writing-prompt-516-write-this-story):

_It might have been the bitter and jaded part of him, but he’d expected worse. Honestly, he was just surprised nothing had ended up on fire or in pieces._

* * *

Merlin had his head in his hands, trying desperately not to look at the screens in front of him that flashed the number 56 at him in a mockingly cheerful bright green.

He should not be surprised, but he had hoped, for just once, that Galahad would manage to get a mission done without leaving behind absolute carnage.

Well, at least the manor the party had been held in hadn’t exploded yet. That was something at least.

But how was he going to explain to Arthur that Harry fucking Hart had decided that poisoning Austria’s elites was a correct interpretation of the mission?!

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](http://merwin-me.tumblr.com/) over on Tumblr.

 


	2. Dark!Merlin AU

Eggsy stood frozen in the doorway to Merlin’s office. There, to his right, sat a man that should be dead, oh so very dead.

Said man was chained very thoroughly to the radiator while the Quartermaster loomed over him, a stormy look in his eyes that Eggsy had never seen before

Eggsy gulped when those same stormy eyes were turned towards him, the hand holding Merlin’s favorite Heckler & Koch HK416 moving up until the muzzle was pointed at his head.

Slowly, Eggsy raised his hands, eyes glancing over to where Harry _bloody fucking_ Hart was looking at him with pleading eyes.

“Eggsy,” the man muttered, words slurring slightly, “take him ou-”. Harry interrupted his own words with a pained grunt as Merlin dug the tip of his shoe into his crotch. The Scot didn’t take his eyes off of Eggsy though, not even for a second.

“Sorry, ‘Arry.” Eggsy whispered. “I gotta go with Merlin on this.”

Those words visibly pleased Merlin, as the man stepped towards him and lowered the loaded gun in the same movement. Eggsy didn’t dare move as Merlin went to stand behind him, regret visible in his eyes as he stared at Harry, wishing for him to understand.

“He’s got a gun, yeah?” He finally added, his tone pleading.

He would have added more—though what else he could say, he just didn’t know—but Merlin suddenly clasped a hand over the back of his neck and squeezed gently.

Eggsy froze, all his senses immediately tuned to Merlin.

“Smart lad.” Merlin’s voice was a low, dangerous growl, reverberating through Eggsy and causing him to shudder a little.

What the fuck was he supposed to do? Try to get his supposed to be dead mentor out of whatever this fucked up situation was, or place his trust in his trainer, the man that believed in him all throughout his training and after?

Tied up, not-dead guy or gun-wielding, 6’1” Scot?

Harry or Merlin?

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](http://merwin-me.tumblr.com/) over at Tumblr.

 


	3. Dark!Merlin #2

Merlin hadn’t quite expected the lad to come barging in when he had, but he could not deny that he was becoming quite an useful addition. Even though the lad didn’t seem to be sure what was going on, he had so far looked at _him_ for help, not at a now gagged Harry Hart.

Getting the gag on Harry had been a bit of a challenge, especially now that he had Galahad the worrywart with him.

Eggsy—having gained the Galahad name after Harry’s supposed death—had not seen why Harry should be gagged, but then again he had also been wondering why Harry was even bound at all.

Of course, rather than voicing his questions, Eggsy had just wrung his hands silently, hovering with a worried look near Harry.

It would be rather endearing, but Merlin could not find it in himself to care very much for whatever sort of loyalty Eggsy believed himself to hold to Harry.

Any kind of loyalty was a problem, one that Merlin would happily get rid of. Except, of course, the lad’s loyalty to him. Merlin would make sure to carefully nourish that.

“Nae lad, his mind has been messed with.” Merlin finally decided to answer Eggsy’s question as to if he could untie Harry.

“See his left eye, lad? That’s bionic, and it isn’t one of my design. An unknown American party placed that in his skull, and it is attached to a part of his brain, the frontal lobe to be exact. This allows the bionic eye to affect his decision-making skills and even some of his conscious thoughts.”

Or it would, had any of that been true. Yes, the eye was bionic. But it didn’t affect shit.

But it seemed to be enough to finally allow Merlin to gag Harry effectively with the lad no longer listening to Harry’s pleas that Merlin had gone mad.

“Lad, ken ye help me get him to my home? Bring a car around the front, will ye? There’s a good lad.”

The second Eggsy moved out of his office to obey his command, Merlin let the comforting smile slip off his face as he turned back to Harry.

“So very trusting, isn’t he, Harry? Am I not lucky that he chose to trust me?”

Harry’s horrified look told Merlin exactly how he felt about the Quartermaster’s abuse of the lad’s trust.

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](http://merwin-me.tumblr.com/) over on Tumblr

 


	4. Dark!Merlin AU #3

After Merlin had brought Harry and Eggsy to his home, having to carry the first one in slung over his shoulder as Harry just would not stop struggling, he took a moment to freshen up a little bit.

He would have preferred knocking Harry out with a well placed hit to the head, but that would have undoubtedly set Eggsy off and reduced the lad's trust in him.

Drying himself off, Merlin slipped into a pair of slacks and one of his more casual sweaters before he moved back downstairs. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs, he took a moment to take in what he could see of Harry's back.

The man was tied to a rather more comfortable chair than Merlin would have preferred, but it had been such a small thing to give Eggsy that he had acquiesced to the lad.

Both of the man's legs were tied tightly to the chair's sturdy legs, while the handcuffs binding Harry's wrists behind the chair's back were tighter than handcuffs usually were.

That had made Eggsy protest a little, but it was one thing that Merlin didn't even entertain the thought of changing. As he told the lad, Harry was a spy very capable of getting out of normal cuffs within seconds.

And the man was busy proving his point.

The thumb of Harry's right hand was sticking out at an unnatural angle as the man tried to get the cuff to slide over his hand, the only thing stopping him from succeeding being the fact that the cuffs were as tight as they were.

With a smirk, Merlin walked around the chair until he stood in front of Harry, looking down at the man with glee in his eyes.

"That looks like it hurts, Harry. Do you need some help with that?"

Harry was undoubtedly cursing Merlin to hell and back behind his gag, but Merlin just moved to stand behind Harry. Slowly, he let his hand slide over Harry's shoulder, to his neck, until his fingers were tangled in Harry's hair.

And he pulled. Hard.

Harry's head snapped back with a grunt of pain heard even from behind the gag, eyes watering as he was forced to look at Merlin grinning down at him.

"Eggsy won't be back for a couple of minutes yet, and I think we all know you would do anything to get out of a difficult situation, right Harry?"

The hand that was not tangled in Harry's hair carefully took a hold of the pointer finger of Harry's right hand. Pausing for a second, Merlin showed his teeth in a shark like grin as comprehension and apprehension both became painfully visible in Harry's eyes.

The silent cursing stopped as Merlin's grip on Harry's finger tightened.

Silence lingered until Merlin, with a twist of his wrist, cleanly popped the finger out of its socket.

For a moment, Merlin listened gleefully to the soft gurgling groans of pain that came from deep within Harry's throat, before he moved to the man's middle finger.

* * *

"Merlin, what 'appened to 'Arry's hand?!" Eggsy had frozen as soon as he appeared inside the living room, staring at where Merlin had placed Harry's broken hand on his lap and was binding it.

Making sure to place a proper 'I told you so' look on his face, Merlin looked up from his work, sighing deeply.

"It seems that Harry tried to get the handcuffs off, lad. He dislocated every finger on his right hand trying to get out. I am binding his hand to prevent any further injury. Do you now see why the tight handcuffs were necessary?"

Eggsy had moved closer during his small speech and was trying to look Harry in the eye, but Harry refused to look up. Refused to look his protege in the eyes and see worry and a misguided feeling of disappointment in them. Feelings his once-friend was gleefully nurturing.

As Merlin finished his explanation, Eggsy frowned at his mentor in displeasure, only proving what Harry had been thinking.

"Ya shouldn't hurt yourself 'Arry! Merlin only means well!" Eggsy scolded Harry with an even deeper frown.

Merlin made sure that Eggsy couldn't see him before he let a slow smirk curl his lips up, looking down at Harry with malice barely hidden. As he squeezed Harry's bound hand non too gently, Merlin thought he could rather get used to this.

Harry down and demoralized, properly horrified whenever the man saw him working Eggsy's emotions and thoughts like a fine fiddle. And Eggsy himself, looking up at him, not Harry, for answers and orders.

He could use that pretty boy, and break Harry at the same time. It shouldn't be too difficult, and it would be _so much fun_!

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](http://www.merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr

 


	5. Medusa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Randomized Wikipedia until an article gives me an idea for a drabble.  
> Pairing: Merwin.

Eggsy took a long glance around the damp cave he was standing at the entrance of, giving Merlin a good look of the movie villain interior the bad gal of the week had managed to drag in here.

“Tis a bit tacky, innit? The only thing that’s missing is a pool of sharks.”

Merlin hummed softly on the other side of the line, busy tapping away at his keyboard to get access to the ludicrous amount of cameras scattered around this base of operations.

“ _The woman is in the room to yer left. I’ve locked all the other doors, so ye should not be getting any other company_.”

Merlin had barely finished his sentence before Eggsy was moving towards the door to his left, kicking it open dramatically.

Once he stood inside the room, the woman in the center turned around on her heels, giving Eggsy a good look at her face. He kept himself from face-palming. Barely. Merlin didn’t even try by the sound of a smack coming through Eggsy’s ear-piece.

“ _How…cliche._ ”

The woman, whom they had found out liked to call herself Medusa, had painted her face with the pattern of scales, green and silver mixing on her cheeks while her lips were painted a bloody red. The headdress she had on was even more ridiculous than her stage make-up, with plush looking snakes dancing whenever she shook her head a little, attempting to look like the snakes-as-hair the real mythological Medusa had.

They just looked cheap and almost ridiculously childish on the woman.

Her dress was almost worse in that it looked to be entirely made of snake skin. Not just skin form a single species of snake, no, the dress seemed to be a collection of as many different species as the woman could find.

Needless to say, all the different colors and scales clashed. Horribly.

“Arthur would faint if he ever saw this.” Eggsy muttered, ignoring the now monologuing woman in front of him for a moment to look around the open room. Only to pause and stare when he saw the first couple of statues that circled the room.

Using the zoom function on his glasses, Eggsy took in the fact that the woman really was way too attached to her mythical name-sake, as every statue in the room was of a male figure with frightened looks on their faces, bodies chiseled in such a way to make it seem as if they were about to run away.

It might have worked as a scare tactic, if not for two small details.

The first being that the faces looked off in a cartoonish way.

The second being that the woman had decided that every male had ridiculously huge genitalia that were almost painful to look at.

“ _Do shut her up, Mordred. I actually have to transcribe whatever nonsense she is spouting._ ”

“Oops, sorry Merls.”

Barely granting the woman a look, Eggsy pulled his handgun from its holster and put a bullet in between her eyes.

“ _Thank you._ ”

Eggsy hummed, moving towards the cluster of statues to his right, staring at them for a long while before knocking on one curiously.

“Huh, plaster. Figures.”

Stepping back, Eggsy took another close look at the statues before grinning to himself.

“Ey Merls, think the lady was overcompensating for sumtin’? These don’t even look real!”

Merlin stayed silent for a moment, before he finally spoke up, voice soft but laced with something else, something more.

“ _Ye know lad, there are men that are hung like that._ ”

“Wait, for real? Honest? Wouldn’t that fuckin’ hurt the other though?”

“ _Depends on the preparation, lad. Do ye want to find out for yerself?_ ”

For a moment, silence hung in the air between them, Eggsy staring through his glasses with wide eyes at the offer, at the silent promise.

_Jesus fuck_ , how does one answer a proposition like _that_?

“Hell yeah!”

Oh right, like that.

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](https://merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr

 


	6. Albion, Queensland

**Randomize Wikipedia until an article gives me an idea for a drabble.  
Fandom: Kingsman.  
**

* * *

Kingsman was a rather large organization hidden behind the doors of an expensive tailer shop and located in one of the more pretentious estates on the outskirts of London. It was there that the gentlemen worked as though the time had halted somewhere in the nineties, though they enjoyed the technology and riches of the day.

It had only been a couple of years since V-Day, but already Kingsman had been forced to change, dragged into a new age by their gleeful Merlin, resurrected Arthur, first female knight and a London boy with a cockney accent and a horrible choice in clothing to match.

The branches of Kingsman in every other country of the world had breathed a sigh of relief that their HQ was finally catching up with the times.

They had changed and adapted a long time ago, it was simply necessary in this day and age.

Now, ever since the new Arthur had taken up the throne, the Kingsman knights had been traveling to the other branches, learning from them and finally taking the advice that the previous Arthur had ignored for years.

Australia had been the lucky one to get the chav Knight assigned to them.

The young man had fairly skipped onto the grounds of the greyhound racing track that was their chosen cover, a track that could be found in Albion, a suburb of the City of Brisbane. The racing track and it’s relatively small clubhouse were the only things hiding Australia’s unaffiliated spy center from scrutiny, and it did its job remarkably well.

No one had yet to give the racing track even a second look, and thus no one had found even the slightest of reasons to look deeper into the clubhouse.

Australia’s Kingsman branch went by the name of Yowie, a name that had managed to, impressively, get on every single nerve of the previous Arthur.

Unlike Kingsman, the Yowie agents did not get their names from Arthur’s knights, nor were they named after alcoholic beverages like the Statesman.

Every Yowie agent was granted a name from Australian folklore or urban myths and legends, be it a person, creature or place.

Dame Nellie Melba—Yowie’s Merlin—had managed to get a recording of the disbelieving rage that had taken over the previous Arthur’s face when they had finally told the man what their leader, who only answered to Arthur himself, was called.

His codename was Pemulwuy. Named after an Aboriginal rebel against the British.

The throbbing vein in Arthur’s neck had been so very close to exploding.

Needless to say, after that particular introduction, Kingsman had left them to their own devices until the new Arthur came along.

And this lad, Guinevere, made sure every Yowie agent knew how much he appreciated the name.

By laughing his ass off.

* * *

 

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](https://merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr.


	7. Harry is Alive

He was just shopping for clothes, for Christ’s sake. For once, Eggsy was able to buy something a little more fancy for his mother and sister, and had made a shopping day out of it.

He had even managed to find something nice for Merlin that only hinted at his shiny bald head. Well, hinted a lot.

But of course something like this has to happen!

It wasn’t bad, don’t get him wrong, just proof that shit always happened when least expected.

Stuff like Harry showing up, smiling down at him.

With an eyepatch covering his left eye.

While not being dead.

With a tan.

“I see that reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. It is wonderful to see you again, Eggsy.”

Staring at the not-dead man for a long moment, Eggsy slowly reached into his bag to pull out the Kingsman issued glasses Merlin had demanded he bring with him, no matter what.

Popping them on his face, he tapped the side twice to activate them and get Merlin’s attention.

“ _What is it, lad? Did somethi-is that…_ ”

Merlin’s voice trailed off, shocked silence taking its place.

“You have a tan.”

Eggsy deadpanned, looking the still smiling Harry in his eyes. Well, in his eye.

“Ah, I had a nice recuperation period in California while getting used to my new sight.”

“ _He took a bloody vacation?!_ ”

Cocking his head to the side, Eggsy’s eyes suddenly widened in horror, now trying to look anywhere but at Harry.

“My dear boy, what seems to be the matter?”

“Oh, uh, nothing at all!” Eggsy stuttered, before turning a little, bowing his head as if to whisper to Merlin.

“Merls, shit, we might have been a little too quick with ritually burning Mr. Pickle!”

Pausing as if to listen to an answer he definitely wasn’t getting from a cackling Merlin, Eggsy blanched.

“What do you mean you tossed the ashes in the sea?! Wait wait, what about the butterflies? They’re not all gone yet, right?”

Eggsy had managed to angle his face just so that he looked properly horrified and panicky while still catching a good look at Harry’s face for recording purposes.

A face which was quickly distorting with pure horror. And when Eggsy mentioned the butterflies, Harry shot off to a nearby taxi with an anguished wail.

“ _I’ve sent Bors to get Mr. Pickles and a couple of framed butterflies. Some good quick thinking there, lad._ ”

Eggsy snorted, moving back to where he had parked the Kingsman car he had liberated from its garage, shopping forgotten.

“The moron shouldn’t have gone on holiday if he didn’t want ta get pranked.”

* * *

You can find me as [Merwin-Me](http://merwin-me.tumblr.com) over on Tumblr.

 


End file.
